By Sam Vigil
When parents have a deficiency in their perception of there child as a separate individual from themselves it is called Symbiotic Fusion. By not distinguishing the separateness of identity, the parent has a distorted view of the parent-child relationship. She maintains in her mind that they are one in the same with their children in thought, beliefs, feelings, and behaviors. With symbiotic fusion parents have difficulty distinguishing where they end and the child begins. The ambiguity gives the fused parent a belief that the child’s needs and wants are the same as hers. The consequence to the child is when she expresses her needs to the parent they go unheard, which can hamper the child’s self-esteem, development, and lead to feelings of unworthiness. The child thinks to herself, “This must be why my needs aren’t met, no one cares about me. I’m only here to make my parents happy.” What kind of value do you think a child that believes this has of themselves? Although, we know that there is a connection to our children genetically and emotionally, we must acknowledge that they are individuals and appreciate their separate identities. This is accomplished with intentional dialogue, tending to their needs and having appropriate boundaries in the parent-child relationship in place. Developing a healthy bond with our children takes intentional dialogue, which consists of mirroring, validating, and empathizing with them. This will give us a relatively good perspective of their needs and help you identify any of your needs that may be interfering with your child’s development and can be work on with the help of a good support network. Though our children are a blessing in many ways and provide us with a sense of acceptance, it is our role to support our children not the other way around, we are the parents. Being unaware of our children’s needs can blind us to the psychological consequences it can have on them and keeps both the parent and child in a distorted view of what a healthy relationship is, at best and at worst, estranged.
Signs of a Symbiotically Fused Parent
- Views their child as an extension of themselves.
- Believes their reality is the only one that is legitimate.
- When conflict arises with their child they believe their response is to the child’s behavior when in reality they are actually reacting to their own childhood needs, which were not meet.
- Believes what their child experiences are only valid when it is congruent with what they are feeling.
- Does not recognize that children develop in stags and believe all children are the same when developing.
- The symbiotic fused parent cannot see their part in conflicts that arise with their children.
- They believe it is because of something they did wrong and are the cause of the problem.
Parents that are symbiotically fused to their children are self-absorbed in projecting their own childhood needs; which were not fundamentally meet by their parents when they were a child, onto their own children. They react to their children in a way as so to heal their own wounds and with the illusion of being able live the way they wished they would have when they were children, through their children; instead of, interacting with them to meet their child’s needs. Based on the premise of this article it seem that there are similar parallels with parental alienation and parental symbiotic fusion; such as, the parent’s beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, and the anxiety it produces in the children. With this premise I have a two-part question for mental health professionals. Does Parental Symbiotic Fusion play a role in Parental Alienation and how? Your response is appreciated.
Article Source: EzineArticles.com Parental Alienation – Does Symbiotic Fusion Have a Role?